Warning: Capslock of EXASPERATION

An open letter:

DEAR CALCULUS STUDENTS,

YOU ARE FAR TOO ADVANCED TO BE HAVING THIS MUCH TROUBLE WITH BASIC ALGEBRA.

LOVE, DIANA

Mmmm...

I've just voluntarily turned off both of my fans for the first time since I moved in. I can hear the crickets clearly, and between that and the soft light from my floor lamp, it's so incredibly calming in here right now.

Bertolt Brecht's Baal

Baal: Whee! I'm the most hedonistic literary character ever and everyone loves me!

All the men: It's true.

All the women: You have no taste, Baal!

Baal: Aw, c'mon sweetcheeks, you know you love me.

All the women: ...it's true. They hide their faces in shame

Baal: Now I will sing an ode to my toilet.

Later

Johannes: So I had this dream that my extra-virginal girlfriend was lying dead under a Schnaps tree. What do you think it means?

Baal: That you should screw her, I guess. Or maybe I should. Whatever.

Baal's Penthouse

Johanna: Oh no! What have I done? I've ruined everything I had with Johannes in a single night! But at least now I have Baal.

Baal: Whatever. Anyway, I notice you're still naked.

Johanna: So...you're not in love with me? You must be joking.

Baal: Whatever. Are we gonna have sex again or not?

Johanna leaves the penthouse and drowns herself

Later

Baal: Hmm, I think I'll kidnap a woman off the street and have sex with her.

Johannes: Sounds good! How about that one?

Johannes captures Sophie and brings her, struggling, to Baal

Sophie: What the hell is going on?! What do you want with me?

Baal: Oh, I think that'll become clear soon enough. My name is Baal.

Sophie: I...see.

She swoons; they have sex. Or something. Later they have more sex.

Sophie: Baal, I'm pregnant.

Baal: Well, whaddya want me to do about it?

Later

Baal: Women are so tiresome. I don't think I like them anymore.

Ekart: Okay!

They have sex. Or something.

Ekart: You're such a great friend, Baal.

Baal strangles him

Police: Hey, that guy's a murderer! Get him!

Baal drops dead in the middle of the woods

THE END