Bertolt Brecht's Baal

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Baal: Whee! I'm the most hedonistic literary character ever and everyone loves me!

All the men: It's true.

All the women: You have no taste, Baal!

Baal: Aw, c'mon sweetcheeks, you know you love me.

All the women: ...it's true. They hide their faces in shame

Baal: Now I will sing an ode to my toilet.

Later

Johannes: So I had this dream that my extra-virginal girlfriend was lying dead under a Schnaps tree. What do you think it means?

Baal: That you should screw her, I guess. Or maybe I should. Whatever.

Baal's Penthouse

Johanna: Oh no! What have I done? I've ruined everything I had with Johannes in a single night! But at least now I have Baal.

Baal: Whatever. Anyway, I notice you're still naked.

Johanna: So...you're not in love with me? You must be joking.

Baal: Whatever. Are we gonna have sex again or not?

Johanna leaves the penthouse and drowns herself

Later

Baal: Hmm, I think I'll kidnap a woman off the street and have sex with her.

Johannes: Sounds good! How about that one?

Johannes captures Sophie and brings her, struggling, to Baal

Sophie: What the hell is going on?! What do you want with me?

Baal: Oh, I think that'll become clear soon enough. My name is Baal.

Sophie: I...see.

She swoons; they have sex. Or something. Later they have more sex.

Sophie: Baal, I'm pregnant.

Baal: Well, whaddya want me to do about it?

Later

Baal: Women are so tiresome. I don't think I like them anymore.

Ekart: Okay!

They have sex. Or something.

Ekart: You're such a great friend, Baal.

Baal strangles him

Police: Hey, that guy's a murderer! Get him!

Baal drops dead in the middle of the woods

THE END