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logicbuttonHey, everybody on my flist. I know not all of you are in a position to get a DS, but if you should find yourself in such a position and have even the teeniest tiniest bit of inclination, you should definitely get it JUST FOR THIS GAME. Well, after you get the games before it, of course. But you get the point. Anyway, here are my running thoughts on the game, over half of which are from the last case, because, yeah.
Here we go:
First of all, I LOVE the pictures of Phoenix on the cover and in the manual. They are sexy. Also, the picture on the table of contents in the manual is my favorite one of him ever, because I swear he is deliberately posing in such a way as to direct our attention to his ass. Seriously, every time I see it, I'm all, ASS! The hilarious thing is that, in the similar one of Edgeworth (which can be found in the various guidebooks), his coattails are blowing away from him, which I think is a deliberate attempt to draw attention AWAY from his ass.
Okay, so Phoenix is supposed to have killed this dude by giving him an electric shock? What the hell? How was he supposed to have done it, with a cattle prod? By shuffling his feet on a carpet and then poking him? What?
Aww, Mia is just so damn cute.
I don't like this music as much as the JFA music. :(
Oh, Phoenix is crying! Don't cry, Phoenix! I'll give you a hug!
Grossberg, shut up about your damn hemorrhoids.
Mia feels like slapping things when Phoenix mentions his girlfriend? Cool! Time for me to break out the ship-colored glasses!
...Um, okay, I don't think I need ship-colored glasses to see Phoenix/Mia.
"Well, we know whose milkshake brings all the boys to the yard." Mia! Do you kiss your little sister with that mouth?!
Phoenix! You ATE the bottle? WHAT? Also, what is wrong with you?
So...that's how Payne lost his hair? Um. Well. That was, uh, weird.
Aww, Phoenix desperately wants to help "a friend," by which he means Edgeworth. That's so cute.
Okay, so it's completely appropriate and understandable that Phoenix is sad about Mia's death, but I'm sorry, when he starts emoing about her being gone forever, I just don't get it. Phoenix! You see her ALL THE TIME. You could see her RIGHT NOW.
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Eeee Adrian Andrews! And her hair is like Hawkeye's!
Hehe, every time Maya asks Phoenix who Adrian is, I'm all, "You should know, Maya; she was at that orgy the night you were rescued from your hostage situation and hooked up with Phoenix...oh wait, that was a fanfic."
Haha, Maya thinks "bur" could be a typo. Which is certainly possible; this is a Phoenix Wright game, after all. Except I actually haven't noticed any typos or misspellings so far, which is pretty amazing. Did Capcom finally hire a copy editor?
How is Maya pronouncing Mask*DeMasque?
I agree with Maya. Phoenix and Gumshoe should definitely kiss and make up.
Awww, thinking about Mia makes Gumshoe cry!
AAAAAAAAAHHH GIANT NOSE. WAY TO HIT ON THE WEIRDEST OF MY FEAR/SQUICK/THINGS, CAPCOM. I'm completely serious; extremely long, skinny cartoonish noses creep me the hell out. I'M GOING TO FUCKING HAVE NIGHTMARES NOW. I HOPE YOU'RE ALL HAPPY. Awesome music, though.
"You MADE that poor excuse for a box, Maya?" Ha ha, Phoenix and Maya hate each other. And now she's hitting him with extremely sharp, heavy pieces of evidence.
Oh, so THAT's Ron DeLite. I've heard about him. He's got some kickass music, and a total cutie for a wife.
Aww, Maya saying she believes in Phoenix makes him cry!
Okay, Phoenix, Maya, and Pearl are the cutest little family in the entire universe.
YOU GUYS, I have a new crossover slash OTP: Luke Atmey/Gilderoy Lockhart.
"Let me make it up to you! I know I don't look it, but I'm good with my hands." Oh my GOD, Adrian! At least wait until you're in private before you proposition Maya!
Luke Atmey being Mask*DeMasque is a bluff, right? Because it's way too obvious to be for real, but this is the second case, and the second case is never exactly subtle...
These celeb pairing names that are ostensibly the names of Larry's girlfriends are going to feel soooo dated in a few years.
Why is Larry hitting on Maya? It's so weird.
Ewww, Luke Atmey wants to hook up with Mia. Ha! Maya thinks it's creepy too!
And here's Godot. Hehe, he made a pun on Phoenix's name.
Okay, I looked it up, and "broach" is an acceptable variant of "brooch," so there are still no misspellings in the game so far that I've noticed.
Hey Judge, I NEVER want to hear you saying the word "hickeys" again.
What's with everybody picking on Gumshoe? More than usual, I mean?
"Nick, you can only handle one case at a time, isn't that right?" "You talk too much." Hee, they're going to be such a hilarious old married couple.
Luke Atmey's damage sprite lets us see right up his grotesque, misshapen nose. This case pains my soul.
Okay, so I guess it wasn't a bluff, but I'm glad there's clearly a lot more to this story. I was afraid that I was getting perceptive.
Uh oh. "A maverick that give me goosebumps." Please tell me Gumshoe is quoting something, because I don't want this to be a typo. :(
Larry's superior is...a weird old lady? Oh no. Oh please no. No. "It's signed, Wendy Oldbag, head supervisor." NOOOOOOOO "Well, fortunately, she's on vacation." THANK GOD. I hope she stays on vacation.
Aww, Adrian is adorable when she smiles. ♥
Ron's testimony is absolutely hysterical. "Oh yeah and btw I was wearing my Mask*DeMasque costume. Oh also I hid the body in the safe. Oh and..."
Well, I suppose it was only a matter of time before the judge started quoting Princess Bride. It's been the most fitting reference in the entire series so far, I think.
Just a thought I've been having the whole time I've been playing: I really think the story progression aspect of the gameplay has improved a lot since the first game. During the investigation segments, it's clearer what needs to be done to move the story along. It's possible that I've just grown to understand the games better, but I really don't think it's entirely on my end; the hints in the dialogue as to what to do next are clearer, and the logic regarding which evidence to show to which character seems less random. I'm really loving the changes in the trial segments, too. It used to be, press on every point, present evidence on the line of testimony added during cross-examination, repeat. But this is much less predictable and more clever.
Oh KICK ASS. I am so happy about Luke Atmey and Ron DeLite vying for the less-serious of two Guilty verdicts. This is so cool. And it's only the second case! I bet the fifth case is just mind-blowing.
Oh man, every time Mia shows up, it's like sunshine in my soul. ♥
Ha ha, Payne is prosecuting Luke Atmey's case! I love their circle-jerk. "No, YOUUUU were wonderful!" "Oh, no, YOUUUU were wonderful!"
"A fool is too foolish to know that he is a fool." Sounds like somebody's channeling somebody. I miss you, Franziska. Do you think maybe you could burst through the courtroom door again sometime? Is now good? Maybe you could hook up with Luke Atmey; it sounds like the two of you have similar ideas. Oh god I just squicked myself.
Oh! Oh, I think I know why the judge calls the paint "peach-colored" even though it is so totally not! I think it's because he's using the old Japanese word for pink (that came before "pinku"), which translates literally as "peach colored"! I feel so smrt!
Ha ha! The gallery's trash-talking Luke Atmey! And he is sweating bullets. This is so awesome. OMG and he just said YOUUUU like I did just a few points ago. I swear, this just gets better and better. Especially since the YOUUUU was in the context of YOUUUUU'RE JUST JEAAAAALOUS! Ha ha, what a loser. This is seriously almost as good as making fun of Light.
Wait, so they HAVE double jeopardy in Phoenix Wright? Weird.
Oh, wait, they don't really have double jeopardy; they have something completely different that they call double jeopardy. Whew, I was starting to worry that the Phoenix Wright legal system was growing some resemblance to real-world law.
Awwwwwww! Ron and Desiree are such a sweet couple!
Maya looks really weird in this picture of her and Pearl and the urn, but it looks like Adrian did a really good job fixing it. (She really is good with her hands, then, eh?)
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Ahhh, new case.
Ha! Gumshoe is acting like he's just found out he's going to be a dad or something. (Which is really fun headspace, by the way. Daddy!Gumshoe would be so friggin' adorable.) "Maybe he realized he's got strong feelings for you, Nick!" So is Maya trying to get them together or something? Because between this and her "kiss and make up" comment in the last case, I'm starting to think she is.
OMG, I was just presenting Maya with the magazine article for fun when it occurred to me. If Phoenix has an impersonator, there is canon potential for him to have sex with himself. OMG OMG OMG. I mean, you can already do that with Ryuichi Naruhodou, whom Japanese fans seem to think Phoenix has a crush on, but this has the potential to be way easier and less brain-breaky. Or perhaps more brain-breaky. I guess we shall see.
"Ah, so that's it! Our big ol' Gumshoe has a little ol' crush on Maggey!" I have several thoughts on this:
-Ohhhhhh, that is too cute for words.
-Phoenix is dense. Even the judge picked up on it at the trial in the last game. The JUDGE!
-Phoenix can't wait to gossip with Maya later, which-- all right, it can't come anywhere near Gumshoe's crush on Maggey for cuteness, but it's also pretty adorable.
-I have replayed this bit of dialogue SIX TIMES now just to reread the cuteness again and again. It is SO CUTE. CUTE CUTE CUTE CUTE CUTE.
-Maya will be disappointed that Phoenix and Gumshoe have been spending their time alone talking about Maggey rather than their feelings for each other.
-On the other hand, Gumshoe is able to read Phoenix's facial expressions pretty well, so there may be hope for them yet.
So wait, a handwriting analysis can be used to FIND a suspect? What is this, CSI?
"Sorry, pal. All I can think about is Maggey at the moment." Awwwwwwwww!
"I'm such a loser." Gumshoe! You stop that right this instant! "I never imagined they'd find her guilty." Okay, in context, it looks like he's talking about Dustin Prince's murder, which, what? She was found not guilty of that! This game is weird; it's changing the outcome of past trials. The same thing happened earlier, when Phoenix and Maya were talking about Maya's trial from the second game, and they were acting like Maya had actually done it, and that she had been channeling a spirit, which...is completely not how it happened at all, so I was really confused.
WHAT IS WITH ALL THE GAY JOKES IN THIS CASE but on an interesting and related note, it looks like Gumshoe has perhaps been engaged in some self-exploration since the last time we saw him, culminating in what I am hoping is an acceptance of his feelings for Edgeworth, though strangely this seems to have had no effect on the acceptance of his feelings for Maggey. Okay I'm going to stop talking about Gumshoe now I SWEAR.
Oh, yeah, so okay, what is up with this game and ridiculous noses? I can't even take this dude seriously.
!!! Phoenix thinks Maya is hot in the waitress uniform!
Okay, I take back what I said about Phoenix having sex with himself. I don't want him anywhere near that guy.
You guys, I have a new crossover slash OTP: Jean Armstrong/Garfiel from the FMA manga.
!!! I think Mia is hot in the waitress uniform!
Hehe, Gumshoe and Maggey are like dumb and dumber...wait a minute! That was really mean! Phoenix!
"Anyone could wear that uniform! Even me!" "Mr. Wright! Please spare the court of any further mental anguish from that image." Speak for yourself, judge!
The police department chief's e-mail pen pal is "1337aZnPrInceSz". Oh. My. God.
YES! I have been wanting to do a Psyche-Lock on Gumshoe ever since the second game! Too bad it's such a lame one. I guess Gumshoe's just not all that complex a guy.
"Yeah, you're way too plain-looking for Maggey, right?" Be real and come live here, Gumshoe! You're not too plain-looking for me!
Lisa Basil is actually a really great palindromic name. I'm impressed.
Hee hee. "I love weenies. I can't get enough of their tender juiciness." Hee hee hee. *is twelve*
So, anyway, the Tiger's music is just fantastic. The character themes in this game are excellent. I still don't like the courtroom music as much as JFA's, though, unfortunately.
"SuPer-Admin Restricted Desktop Access password-protected? What!? This is madness!" "No, Maya, that is SPARDA." No, that is BRILLIANCE. And I've never even seen 300.
Okay, um, on the one hand, Tigre scares the hell out of me. On the other hand, um, that tongue thing he does...is kind of hot.
GUMSHOE SAVES THE DAY!!! This is almost half as cool as that time when Franziska saved the day! Wow!
"Excuse me, sir, but...are you a woman?" Bad form, judge. Bad form.
"I'm already seeing a very hot someone..." Just the latest in a long line of awesome Godot quotes this chapter. Man, he is knocking them out of the park today!
Oh boy oh boy oh boy Gumshoe is going to get the fingerprints analyzed and then bring them back and it is going to SAVE THE DAY (again!) and he is going to be Maggey's HERO!
"I even tamed him for you." Oh, yeah. That's hot.
Oh, man, I'm not even kidding. Godot/Tigre all the way. This is so sexy. Even Phoenix sees it.
I LOVE that the judge is presiding from underneath his bench.
Hiding under the table aside, it's obvious in this game that Phoenix has really grown as a lawyer. He doesn't need Maya to call on Mia in court anymore, and he's thinking creatively on his own. I'm so proud of him. ♥
OH MY GOD, SCORE!!! I WAS RIGHT ABOUT GUMSHOE AND HERE HE IS!!! Um, it occurs to me that this evidence is actually going to have to be conclusive for me to have been right. But I have faith in him!
Okay, so the bottle is not immediately obviously useful. But there has to be a reason we got it back! This is so not over yet!
Oh. My. God. Tigre's reaction to being backed into a corner is EXACTLY like Light's. The black and white, the primal appearance, the photo montage...it's all the same. This is glorious.
Hehe, Godot's mask glows in the dark.
In the picture of Maya and Maggey with the weenie box, Maya's got that deranged look on her face again. What is it with her in this game?
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New case! Woo!
Oh holy hell, Phoenix is HOT. And this whole opening animation is really nicely done.
Ah, Diego. I've heard a lot about you. Perhaps too much. But it's nice to meet you, finally.
YAY EDGEWORTH. About damn time. And oh, man, is he ever hot.
I swear to God, if that coat Gumshoe is wearing in the past is supposed to be the same one he wears in the present... :(
Awwwww! Gumshoe is totally into Mia! I think I would like to ship them. And he's pretty open about it, too...I'm kind of apprehensive now. Is she about to shoot him down and make him stop actively pursuing women forever? Because if this is how that happens, I will be sad.
Diego's awfully cute, though.
Okay, I know this has only just started, but I'm kind of nervous here. This is Mia's first case, the one she loses, right? Which, of course she'll have to, because she's against Edgeworth and he doesn't lose until he goes up against Phoenix. But then I also know that Diego has to be poisoned at some point, and anyway this whole thing is all just a court record that Phoenix is reading late at night. So how is this going to work? Is this even going to be a proper case, or is it going to be something different? Also, I know that before Edgeworth meets Phoenix, he's all about the ruthlessness and questionable tactics, and I'm not looking forward to that. Don't sell yourself short, Edgeworth!
"But not as dreary as the mood that's in this courtroom right now. Ha ha." Gumshoe, you're such a dork. ♥
*gasp* Edgeworth! How dare you call Mia a bimbo! I do believe I have the vapors!
Ha ha, "same to you" indeed. Edgeworth is definitely a bimbo. That little tart.
Ah, Dahlia. How can somebody with such lovely, soothing music piss me off so much?
Edgeworth does the wink/finger wave just like Von Karma! How cute that he picked that up from him!
Actually, all of Edgeworth's affectations are Von Karma's. That is just too cool.
So Terry Fawles was 20 years old and had a 14-year-old girlfriend? Ewwww.
Oh my god, he's dead! Oh no!
Phoenix: still hot. I'm just going to stare at this screen for awhile.
It's over? That case was way too short. Where were the investigation segments? This game needs moar Mia.
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"Hey, Nick. Remember how I've got spiritual powers, unlike you?" Ha ha. I will never get sick of Maya needling Phoenix. Ever.
Heeee, Larry has sworn off women. Of course he has; this is a Phoenix Wright game, after all.
Hehe, Larry and Phoenix are both free tonight. Perhaps they could...do some catching up? Swear off women...together?
Oh my god! Phoenix! Nooo! I mean, obviously he pulls through, but, but, but still! Phoenix!
EDGEWORTH!!!!!! WOOHOO!!!
Whoa, crazy! Am I playing as Edgeworth, then? Sweet!
"How could this country's judicial system have fallen into such decay?" Ha ha, I heard the unspoken "without me" at the end there, Edgeworth. ♥ It's funny 'cause it's true.
I can't believe I'm playing as Edgeworth. This is so cool I can't even concentrate on the investigation.
You know what this means, right? Right? Edgeworth...is a SWITCH. Oh damn this game is so sexy.
Wow, Edgeworth's "Take that!" sounds weird.
Oh boy oh boy oh boy we get to see Gumshoe flirting with Edgeworth oh boy I can't wait. OH MAN AND HE DOES NOT DISAPPOINT.
Edgeworth, with a girlfriend? Nonsense indeed. :D "D-Do I really inspire this sort of frothing desire from the female masses?" :DDDDDDD
HOLY CRAP Gumshoe is following him around.
"C'mon Edgey...You were a guy once!" Ahahaha it just never gets old.
"I detest talk of supernatural drivel. I suppose now you'll say she has midi-chlorians?" Objection! The witness's statements contradict each other! He is secretly into Star Wars!
Awww, Edgeworth hopes Maya's all right. I love being able to see his thoughts; it's so nice to know he actually has a heart.
Edgeworth is feeling sympathetic toward Phoenix!Cats and dogs living together! Mass hysteria! Aww!
HA HA HA Gumshoe wanted to be a wizard when he was a kid! I bet he's into Harry Potter.
Gumshoe and Maya misread the "Dusky Bridge" sign in the same way. Sounds like ship evidence to me.
"Mr. Edgeworth is pretending not to hear you, so I'm gonna ask for him." I love everybody in this game.
Larry keeps talking about Edgeworth and girls. His gaydar must be broken beyond repair.
Arrrgh if it wouldn't get me penalized, I'd suggest that Larry was waiting for Phoenix in Heavenly Hall re: his "Fair de Core".
"This guy couldn't fold a dollar, let alone a crane. Everyone tried to comfort him, but he would just sit there sobbing." Oh my goodness! Tell us more stories about baby Edgeworth, Larry!
"I fell down 4 times on my way down here, sir!" "Oh, sorry about that, Detective. I ate four bananas and tossed their peels on the stairs on my way down here..." HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Oh man, I wish I could take a screencap of Larry with five Psyche-Locks and Edgeworth saying "Nooooooooooooooooooo!" This is classic.
FRANZISKAAAAAAAA!!! I admit, I was spoiled that she was going to show up in this game and suspected that she was going to be the one prosecuting ever since I found out Edgeworth would be the defense and had chosen his own opponent, but this is seriously no less awesome than if I had had no idea. I've been literally shivering with anticipation since this chapter started. Goddamn this is exciting. And they're even playing her theme, which, man, it just makes it all better. I've listened to both the orchestral and jazz versions of this theme many, many times now, but absolutely NOTHING can compare to the original. And, yeah, I've just been sitting here listening to it the whole time I've been typing up this point. Okay, I'd better move on now, but...wow. Really. Wow. I love you, Franziska!!
"Franziska von Karma...Prosecuting prodigy." "Legends are a thing of the past. I am a Von Karma. That is all." "There is no such weakling as this man among those of the Prosecutor's Office." Oh my god, I squeal every time Franziska speaks. This...could be bad.
Heh heh, the judge wants to ban the whip and is sarcastic about Franziska and Edgeworth acting bizarrely in his court. I like this judge.
Hehe, aboot. It's funny 'cause the judge is Canadian, apparently.
"Is there some sort of Kick Me sign stuck to the defense's bench?" This gives me an idea. Every prosecutor should have to defend at least one case. I totally want to see Franziska as a defense attorney. (Kinky!)
What is this "Ms. von Karma" crap? You know Edgeworth totally called her Franzi when she was a little girl.
"They just need a little stimulation to bear fruit. Contradictory stimulation." ...if you know what I mean and I think you do. *nudge nudge wink wink* Oh come on you were thinking it too. Alternatively, I am having far too easy a time picturing Homer Simpson saying those lines, which is kind of out of nowhere.
Damn, I love the bottom screen at the beginning of the testimony. Edgeworth and Franziska: it's like awesome, mixed with awesome and distilled into awesome concentrate.
"I will give you a vigorous massage once we are finished here." Okay, possible strange innuendo aside, this provides me with hilarious mental images, and also some degree of envy. I want Franziska to give ME a vigorous massage, please. "With the whip?" HAHAHAHAHA You have to admit, though, that Franziska is always up for doing whatever she has to to get her testimony.
In case I haven't already made this clear...Edgeworth v. von Karma is ridiculously, insanely hot. Not necessarily in a shippy way, but certainly in an awesome way.
"But I can crush men under my heel and make them weep, should I so choose!" YES PLEASE. SO HOT.
Oh boy, Larry's gonna testify now! Woo, Larry, you gonna get whipped!
"He drew a terrifying woman, armed with a demonic face and a vicious whip." You guys, you should have heard my reaction to this. It was loud and betrayed my amusement. That's really all you need to know.
"It would seem that whip is going to see plenty more use today..." Damn skippy. I can't wait.
"Your sketch is in contempt of this court!" If I'm not careful, I'll end up transcribing this entire chapter. Surely one of Franziska's lines won't be saturated with awesome? But, aww, Franziska is a wonderful new model for Larry!
"I'll give you a few hits too, if you'd like. With my whip." You know, at first I thought Franziska was being disingenuous, but upon further consideration, I think it's probably best that she qualified that first statement. Can't have Larry thinking she's coming on to him or anything. You just know that ever since he took the stand, she's been repeating to herself, "And THIS is why I'm a lesbian."
Hee hee. "Are..." "You..." "High!" Hee hee hee. *is still twelve*
YES!! There IS precedent for flying! Why isn't anyone listening to Franziska? Second game, third case!
Oh good, I was afraid for a minute there that Franziska had forgotten the word "fool," with all her "huffy, puffy, loosey goosey, whimpering"...something-or-other insults, but she's back on point with this "foolhardy folly" stuff.
Awwwww! When he comes to a crucial juncture, Edgeworth wonders, "What Would Phoenix Do?" "Because right now, I am Phoenix Wright, and I am indeed cornered...!" Okay, that's a little creepy, not gonna lie.
Score, both the defense and the prosecution are going to do some investigating. I hope this means moar Franziska.
Aw, man, I'm playing as Phoenix again. I really liked playing as Edgeworth.
Woo, I was right about investigation!Franziska. And she is apparently trying to set a record for the highest concentration of "fool"s in a single sentence. What is she even trying to say? Isn't she cold?
"She must model for my picture book, 'Franzy's Whip Lash Splash: Simple & Magnificent'!" Wow! I will take four, please. I think the best part is how she seems to think it's actually a reasonable request for a good witness to make. What did I say about Franziska and doing anything for good testimony?
Did...Franziska just say that it was a pleasure to see Phoenix again? ...Was she being sincere? Like, for real?
Goddammit, here we go again with the forgetfulness of canon. No, Phoenix, Franziska never even pretended to be trying to get revenge for her father.
"Your personal involvement will make crushing you into teensy weensy pieces all the better!" I love you, Franziska.
"It's probably the fever, but...She's so openly hostile that it's almost kinda cute." Gasp! I'm going to go replay this talking point a few times. The whole thing is pretty awesome, actually.
"Sorry to burst your bubble, but I don't recall ever losing to you." Oh snap!
I rather like this background music. Huh.
Oh my goodness, I have a suspicion as to Elise Deauxnim's identity! ...But I won't say it here, because then if I'm right I'll have spoiled myself. (Shut up, I'm neurotic like that.)
"I am on your side. I won't do anything you don't want me to." If Sister Bikini were hotter, something tells me she and Franziska would be one hell of a popular pairing.
OH MY GOD YES Franziska is going to follow Phoenix around! This is my lucky day!
OH MY GOD Pearl is laying the smackdown on Franziska!!! This is SO COOL.
...You know what? Franziska is really, really weird.
"Yeah, you can do anything...except stand up to a 9-year-old girl." OH SNAP. Although, I don't get you, Phoenix. Are you suggesting that Franziska should have used her whip on Pearl? And if so, what's wrong with you? Or are you suggesting that Franziska should have tried reasoning with Pearl, in which case you might be hallucinating and perhaps you left the hospital too soon?
Godot, don't talk to Franziska like that. Screw you. Franziska, why aren't you whipping him? I swear, I don't understand anybody anymore.
Okay, Phoenix questioning Gumshoe with Franziska chiming in is just so full of awesome that I can't possibly quote all my favorite parts, but I really love how this case is bringing together all the characters I like. (Have I never talked about this? Franziska, Gumshoe, and Phoenix are my three favorite characters. Together,they fight crime well, they do they have the funniest conversations.)
I love Phoenix's insinuation that he might one day see the Von Karma estate. Perhaps he and Edgeworth will have their wedding there.
In other news, it occurs to me that maybe the reason Franziska wouldn't whip Godot is the same reason dogs won't go into haunted houses. Or, wait, will they? I know they bark at ghosts.
Hey, my suspicion about Elise Deauxnim was right! I win!
Oh no, an earthquake! Not that it hadn't, you know, been foreshadowed or anything, but still! I bet everyone's physically all right, though, so I don't feel too bad about considering this an opportunity for some good ol' Edgeworth h/c. Luckily, Phoenix and Franziska agree. Yay!
Wait a minute, Edgeworth passed out, came to, got up, and ran back across the bridge and back to the main gate in the span of about one minute? What? He had better be full of lies. Except he probably won't be. Stupid honest Edgeworth.
Awwww, Franziska only whips Edgeworth when she's concerned about his health! They really do care about each other. ♥
"I was ready to hug it out with him, but he's just the same, prideful Edgeworth." I squealed at this. Hug him anyway, Phoenix!
Oh my goodness, Franziska wants to eat Phoenix for breakfast! Or to put it another way, whip him silly. Literally(!) and metaphorically. In either case, this is a very sexy idea. "Go on, let her have her way! It would make for a great anecdote about my trip!" Hot damn, Edgeworth is trying to fix them up!
I wish they would stop pretending it means anything when somebody's name is written in blood. This happens in EVERY GAME. It's NEVER the person whose name it is.(Unless that's a bluff this time! Oooh, I hope Maya's the killer.)
Is, um. I'm afraid to ask. Is Larry, um, intending to make Pearl his next girlfriend?
Haha, Phoenix thinks Gumshoe is Sister Bikini's type. That's a surprisingly adorable possibility. I certainly wouldn't blame her.
OMG! Iris and Dahlia are Morgan's daughters?! Pearl has older sisters? That's CRAZY.
SINISTER GUMSHOE IS SINISTER. ALSO KIND OF. UM. INCONGRUOUS? Okay, so I guess he wasn't really sinister, but come ON, he's singing Victor Kudo's creepy-ass theme out loud to himself, by himself. I seriously kind of expected him to start going on about how nobody would ever find out that Rumpelstiltskin was his name.
Oh! I just remembered something! Morgan's daughters are more evidence to support my theory that in the Phoenix Wright-verse, all siblings are of the same gender.
Woohoo! Return of the metal detector!!
Awww, Gumshoe and Phoenix are going to go out for pasta when Maya is found.
Ohhhhhh Pearl. I need to give her a hug right this second. Oh, PEARL. This whole thing makes me so sad.
"You can't see a hot girl if she's already taken." Then why were you macking on Desiree DeLite, you filthy hypocrite?
Oh thank God, Pearl didn't do it. Probably.
Okay, in a completely non-shippy way, Pearl and Larry actually make a completely adorable pair. Kind of like Pearl and Gumshoe.
"I leave the rest in your capable hands...partner." *swoon*
I wish the other judge could have stayed. Stupid Phoenix, giving him your cold.
...Well, it wouldn't be a Phoenix Wright game if Maya weren't accused of murder at some point.
Phoenix didn't deny that Maya was his girlfriend! I'm for it!
So Misty Fey was murdered, possibly in front of her daughter, and then tied to a rope, swung across a gorge like a pendulum, thrown to the ground from a height of ten feet, dragged to the courtyard, stabbed again postmortem, and left lying facedown in the snow. This case is horrible.
Dahlia was hanged? That must have been unpleasant. Do they even do hangings anymore? I thought it was mostly lethal injection these days. And possibly some firing squad.
Oh, fuck this. I have no idea what Phoenix is trying to do with Dahlia's testimony. I'm looking at the walkthrough.
Ahhh, DAMMIT. I was totally thisclose to presenting Mia's profile when I gave up. CRAP.
On the bright side, I'm unnaturally happy that people are talking about Mia.
I am SO CONFUSED. Who is channeling Dahlia, if Iris is in the cavern, and it wasn't Pearl, and...and...Oh my god. I just figured it out. Just now, as I was typing that sentence. Oh my god. Oh my GOD.
I'm just glad I had totally forgotten that Iris couldn't channel spirits, or I would have spoiled myself earlier. :)
Mayaaa!! You're so smart! ♥
MIA!! Squeeee!!! Okay, so I guess the brilliant plan wasn't Maya's, but at least she's smart enough to know when to ask Mia for help?
"Another failure to add to the pile of shame, wouldn't you say?" Mia is so full of schadenfreude, it's kind of hot.
"It's one stupid move after another for you. But it's no longer funny." Yes it is, Phoenix. Schadenfreude is always funny.
"M... M... Mia F... F... Fey Mia Fey! Mia Fey! MIA FEEEEY!" Ha ha ha. Spit it out, Dahlia! You totally would have gotten away with it, if not for that meddling defense attorney! "You... You... Spinster!!" Um, what?
"But I think you finally understand, Dahlia Hawthorne. ...You will never defeat me." This is so hot. My inexplicably platonic crush on Mia is escalating.
Oooooh, Dahlia is FREAKY.
Awww, whether you ship them or not, Phoenix really does love Maya.
Hey, the judge is being nice to Maya! That is a first.
UMMM. What the hell is going on? Okay, the only three people on the island were Maya, Misty, and Pearl, and at various times they were also channeling Mia and Dahlia. So...was Misty channeling Dahlia, and Pearl was behind her? Because I'm pretty sure Pearl wasn't channeling anybody at any time, or she wouldn't have thought she had lost her powers. Why would Misty channel Dahlia, anyway?
Wait, it was a MAN? Okay, this makes NO sense. I mean, okay, I have a thought here (not going to voice it, obviously), but it MAKES NO SENSE. Oh wait except it totally does...or does it? No, it does, but, but WHY? Why would...there...okay, fine, I'll just have to keep playing and I'll find out.
My assessment: Godot-style sounds pretty cool. Judge-style sounds ridiculous. Phoenix-style sounds kinky.
I love how everybody can agree on their love for Mia. She brings everyone together. ♥ (Insert your own cleavage joke here.)
"With Your Honor's piercing intellect, you must have figured it out by now..." Oh snap!!
"That pure, sweet heart of hers..." I'm going to ignore the vaguely cannibalistic undertones in this sentence and focus on just how cute it is.
Phoenix is one of Godot's reasons to live? Must...not...slash...
Oh my goodness, this conspiracy runs incredibly deep. This story is amazing.
"She was willing to do anything to protect you from Morgan Fey. Even if it meant paying the ultimate price." I teared up a little at this. Parent/child relationships always do that to me.
"That makes sense. After all, my deductions are almost never correct." HAHAHA. Well, at least the judge seems to have a healthy sense of self-awareness.
I love how Phoenix is suggesting that Godot murders naked.
Hey, they're using the Objection music from the first game for the point where Phoenix has to prove Godot did the murder! So cool!
DAMN. Was that Mia next to Phoenix there? For real? DAMN.
Oh...Godot sees Mia in Phoenix...so sweet...oh...
Okay, sword-wielding Godot is HOT. YUM.
Phoenix and Mia standing next to each other and pointing is such a wonderful image. I'm just going to look at this screen for awhile.
GODOT CRIES BLOOD. wHaT
...I totally can not believe Phoenix and Iris are having this conversation in open court.
PHOENIX WITH COFFEE OMG ;elajkf;ald and I love his sprite. It's handsome. Hehe, he and Godot are coffee buddies.
"I'm proud of you, Phoenix. Your defense was...truly brilliant." Oh...I'm speechless.
Oh man, I was really hoping for some kind of Diego/Mia reunion. I'm disappointed.
Larry is emo! So sad!
Hehe, Franziska's beauty can't possibly be captured by a mere crayon. Nor can it by pixels, honestly. I mean, have you seen some of that official art? But it's sweet of her to acknowledge that Larry doesn't completely suck.
Ha ha. Franziska is just looking for excuses to whip Gumshoe now. This is so hilarious.
Um, maybe nobody at the village has heard from Pearl because she was just talking to Phoenix as Mia two minutes ago and it takes three hours to get there. Just saying.
Hey, what happened to going out for pasta? And how is Gumshoe expecting to pay for Tres Bien?
Oh my friggin'...this picture of little Mia and Maya is just about the cutest damn thing I have ever seen. I wonder just how many times that jar has been broken.
Yeah, so I was expecting some terrific spoilery reason for why there couldn't be more games about Phoenix, but there totally wasn't one. Screw you, Capcom. On the other hand, the epilogue made me happy. Adrian hooked up with Franziska! Larry has found his niche and is doing the book about Franziska! Probably without her consent! Gumshoe and Maggey might have actually gotten together! There were some really awesome pictures of the cast at the end! Phoenix did the training! I believe it was because he and Maya actually did end up together, and NOBODY CAN CONVINCE ME OTHERWISE. Wendy Oldbag's appearance in this game was limited to a surprisingly palatable cameo! And so on!
Oh wow. That last case...that was the best case ever. That was INCREDIBLE. I...words can't describe it.
Here we go:
First of all, I LOVE the pictures of Phoenix on the cover and in the manual. They are sexy. Also, the picture on the table of contents in the manual is my favorite one of him ever, because I swear he is deliberately posing in such a way as to direct our attention to his ass. Seriously, every time I see it, I'm all, ASS! The hilarious thing is that, in the similar one of Edgeworth (which can be found in the various guidebooks), his coattails are blowing away from him, which I think is a deliberate attempt to draw attention AWAY from his ass.
Okay, so Phoenix is supposed to have killed this dude by giving him an electric shock? What the hell? How was he supposed to have done it, with a cattle prod? By shuffling his feet on a carpet and then poking him? What?
Aww, Mia is just so damn cute.
I don't like this music as much as the JFA music. :(
Oh, Phoenix is crying! Don't cry, Phoenix! I'll give you a hug!
Grossberg, shut up about your damn hemorrhoids.
Mia feels like slapping things when Phoenix mentions his girlfriend? Cool! Time for me to break out the ship-colored glasses!
...Um, okay, I don't think I need ship-colored glasses to see Phoenix/Mia.
"Well, we know whose milkshake brings all the boys to the yard." Mia! Do you kiss your little sister with that mouth?!
Phoenix! You ATE the bottle? WHAT? Also, what is wrong with you?
So...that's how Payne lost his hair? Um. Well. That was, uh, weird.
Aww, Phoenix desperately wants to help "a friend," by which he means Edgeworth. That's so cute.
Okay, so it's completely appropriate and understandable that Phoenix is sad about Mia's death, but I'm sorry, when he starts emoing about her being gone forever, I just don't get it. Phoenix! You see her ALL THE TIME. You could see her RIGHT NOW.
-------------------------------------
Eeee Adrian Andrews! And her hair is like Hawkeye's!
Hehe, every time Maya asks Phoenix who Adrian is, I'm all, "You should know, Maya; she was at that orgy the night you were rescued from your hostage situation and hooked up with Phoenix...oh wait, that was a fanfic."
Haha, Maya thinks "bur" could be a typo. Which is certainly possible; this is a Phoenix Wright game, after all. Except I actually haven't noticed any typos or misspellings so far, which is pretty amazing. Did Capcom finally hire a copy editor?
How is Maya pronouncing Mask*DeMasque?
I agree with Maya. Phoenix and Gumshoe should definitely kiss and make up.
Awww, thinking about Mia makes Gumshoe cry!
AAAAAAAAAHHH GIANT NOSE. WAY TO HIT ON THE WEIRDEST OF MY FEAR/SQUICK/THINGS, CAPCOM. I'm completely serious; extremely long, skinny cartoonish noses creep me the hell out. I'M GOING TO FUCKING HAVE NIGHTMARES NOW. I HOPE YOU'RE ALL HAPPY. Awesome music, though.
"You MADE that poor excuse for a box, Maya?" Ha ha, Phoenix and Maya hate each other. And now she's hitting him with extremely sharp, heavy pieces of evidence.
Oh, so THAT's Ron DeLite. I've heard about him. He's got some kickass music, and a total cutie for a wife.
Aww, Maya saying she believes in Phoenix makes him cry!
Okay, Phoenix, Maya, and Pearl are the cutest little family in the entire universe.
YOU GUYS, I have a new crossover slash OTP: Luke Atmey/Gilderoy Lockhart.
"Let me make it up to you! I know I don't look it, but I'm good with my hands." Oh my GOD, Adrian! At least wait until you're in private before you proposition Maya!
Luke Atmey being Mask*DeMasque is a bluff, right? Because it's way too obvious to be for real, but this is the second case, and the second case is never exactly subtle...
These celeb pairing names that are ostensibly the names of Larry's girlfriends are going to feel soooo dated in a few years.
Why is Larry hitting on Maya? It's so weird.
Ewww, Luke Atmey wants to hook up with Mia. Ha! Maya thinks it's creepy too!
And here's Godot. Hehe, he made a pun on Phoenix's name.
Okay, I looked it up, and "broach" is an acceptable variant of "brooch," so there are still no misspellings in the game so far that I've noticed.
Hey Judge, I NEVER want to hear you saying the word "hickeys" again.
What's with everybody picking on Gumshoe? More than usual, I mean?
"Nick, you can only handle one case at a time, isn't that right?" "You talk too much." Hee, they're going to be such a hilarious old married couple.
Luke Atmey's damage sprite lets us see right up his grotesque, misshapen nose. This case pains my soul.
Okay, so I guess it wasn't a bluff, but I'm glad there's clearly a lot more to this story. I was afraid that I was getting perceptive.
Uh oh. "A maverick that give me goosebumps." Please tell me Gumshoe is quoting something, because I don't want this to be a typo. :(
Larry's superior is...a weird old lady? Oh no. Oh please no. No. "It's signed, Wendy Oldbag, head supervisor." NOOOOOOOO "Well, fortunately, she's on vacation." THANK GOD. I hope she stays on vacation.
Aww, Adrian is adorable when she smiles. ♥
Ron's testimony is absolutely hysterical. "Oh yeah and btw I was wearing my Mask*DeMasque costume. Oh also I hid the body in the safe. Oh and..."
Well, I suppose it was only a matter of time before the judge started quoting Princess Bride. It's been the most fitting reference in the entire series so far, I think.
Just a thought I've been having the whole time I've been playing: I really think the story progression aspect of the gameplay has improved a lot since the first game. During the investigation segments, it's clearer what needs to be done to move the story along. It's possible that I've just grown to understand the games better, but I really don't think it's entirely on my end; the hints in the dialogue as to what to do next are clearer, and the logic regarding which evidence to show to which character seems less random. I'm really loving the changes in the trial segments, too. It used to be, press on every point, present evidence on the line of testimony added during cross-examination, repeat. But this is much less predictable and more clever.
Oh KICK ASS. I am so happy about Luke Atmey and Ron DeLite vying for the less-serious of two Guilty verdicts. This is so cool. And it's only the second case! I bet the fifth case is just mind-blowing.
Oh man, every time Mia shows up, it's like sunshine in my soul. ♥
Ha ha, Payne is prosecuting Luke Atmey's case! I love their circle-jerk. "No, YOUUUU were wonderful!" "Oh, no, YOUUUU were wonderful!"
"A fool is too foolish to know that he is a fool." Sounds like somebody's channeling somebody. I miss you, Franziska. Do you think maybe you could burst through the courtroom door again sometime? Is now good?
Oh! Oh, I think I know why the judge calls the paint "peach-colored" even though it is so totally not! I think it's because he's using the old Japanese word for pink (that came before "pinku"), which translates literally as "peach colored"! I feel so smrt!
Ha ha! The gallery's trash-talking Luke Atmey! And he is sweating bullets. This is so awesome. OMG and he just said YOUUUU like I did just a few points ago. I swear, this just gets better and better. Especially since the YOUUUU was in the context of YOUUUUU'RE JUST JEAAAAALOUS! Ha ha, what a loser. This is seriously almost as good as making fun of Light.
Wait, so they HAVE double jeopardy in Phoenix Wright? Weird.
Oh, wait, they don't really have double jeopardy; they have something completely different that they call double jeopardy. Whew, I was starting to worry that the Phoenix Wright legal system was growing some resemblance to real-world law.
Awwwwwww! Ron and Desiree are such a sweet couple!
Maya looks really weird in this picture of her and Pearl and the urn, but it looks like Adrian did a really good job fixing it. (She really is good with her hands, then, eh?)
-------------------------------------
Ahhh, new case.
Ha! Gumshoe is acting like he's just found out he's going to be a dad or something. (Which is really fun headspace, by the way. Daddy!Gumshoe would be so friggin' adorable.) "Maybe he realized he's got strong feelings for you, Nick!" So is Maya trying to get them together or something? Because between this and her "kiss and make up" comment in the last case, I'm starting to think she is.
OMG, I was just presenting Maya with the magazine article for fun when it occurred to me. If Phoenix has an impersonator, there is canon potential for him to have sex with himself. OMG OMG OMG. I mean, you can already do that with Ryuichi Naruhodou, whom Japanese fans seem to think Phoenix has a crush on, but this has the potential to be way easier and less brain-breaky. Or perhaps more brain-breaky. I guess we shall see.
"Ah, so that's it! Our big ol' Gumshoe has a little ol' crush on Maggey!" I have several thoughts on this:
-Ohhhhhh, that is too cute for words.
-Phoenix is dense. Even the judge picked up on it at the trial in the last game. The JUDGE!
-Phoenix can't wait to gossip with Maya later, which-- all right, it can't come anywhere near Gumshoe's crush on Maggey for cuteness, but it's also pretty adorable.
-I have replayed this bit of dialogue SIX TIMES now just to reread the cuteness again and again. It is SO CUTE. CUTE CUTE CUTE CUTE CUTE.
-Maya will be disappointed that Phoenix and Gumshoe have been spending their time alone talking about Maggey rather than their feelings for each other.
-On the other hand, Gumshoe is able to read Phoenix's facial expressions pretty well, so there may be hope for them yet.
So wait, a handwriting analysis can be used to FIND a suspect? What is this, CSI?
"Sorry, pal. All I can think about is Maggey at the moment." Awwwwwwwww!
"I'm such a loser." Gumshoe! You stop that right this instant! "I never imagined they'd find her guilty." Okay, in context, it looks like he's talking about Dustin Prince's murder, which, what? She was found not guilty of that! This game is weird; it's changing the outcome of past trials. The same thing happened earlier, when Phoenix and Maya were talking about Maya's trial from the second game, and they were acting like Maya had actually done it, and that she had been channeling a spirit, which...is completely not how it happened at all, so I was really confused.
WHAT IS WITH ALL THE GAY JOKES IN THIS CASE but on an interesting and related note, it looks like Gumshoe has perhaps been engaged in some self-exploration since the last time we saw him, culminating in what I am hoping is an acceptance of his feelings for Edgeworth, though strangely this seems to have had no effect on the acceptance of his feelings for Maggey. Okay I'm going to stop talking about Gumshoe now I SWEAR.
Oh, yeah, so okay, what is up with this game and ridiculous noses? I can't even take this dude seriously.
!!! Phoenix thinks Maya is hot in the waitress uniform!
Okay, I take back what I said about Phoenix having sex with himself. I don't want him anywhere near that guy.
You guys, I have a new crossover slash OTP: Jean Armstrong/Garfiel from the FMA manga.
!!! I think Mia is hot in the waitress uniform!
Hehe, Gumshoe and Maggey are like dumb and dumber...wait a minute! That was really mean! Phoenix!
"Anyone could wear that uniform! Even me!" "Mr. Wright! Please spare the court of any further mental anguish from that image." Speak for yourself, judge!
The police department chief's e-mail pen pal is "1337aZnPrInceSz". Oh. My. God.
YES! I have been wanting to do a Psyche-Lock on Gumshoe ever since the second game! Too bad it's such a lame one. I guess Gumshoe's just not all that complex a guy.
"Yeah, you're way too plain-looking for Maggey, right?" Be real and come live here, Gumshoe! You're not too plain-looking for me!
Lisa Basil is actually a really great palindromic name. I'm impressed.
Hee hee. "I love weenies. I can't get enough of their tender juiciness." Hee hee hee. *is twelve*
So, anyway, the Tiger's music is just fantastic. The character themes in this game are excellent. I still don't like the courtroom music as much as JFA's, though, unfortunately.
"SuPer-Admin Restricted Desktop Access password-protected? What!? This is madness!" "No, Maya, that is SPARDA." No, that is BRILLIANCE. And I've never even seen 300.
Okay, um, on the one hand, Tigre scares the hell out of me. On the other hand, um, that tongue thing he does...is kind of hot.
GUMSHOE SAVES THE DAY!!! This is almost half as cool as that time when Franziska saved the day! Wow!
"Excuse me, sir, but...are you a woman?" Bad form, judge. Bad form.
"I'm already seeing a very hot someone..." Just the latest in a long line of awesome Godot quotes this chapter. Man, he is knocking them out of the park today!
Oh boy oh boy oh boy Gumshoe is going to get the fingerprints analyzed and then bring them back and it is going to SAVE THE DAY (again!) and he is going to be Maggey's HERO!
"I even tamed him for you." Oh, yeah. That's hot.
Oh, man, I'm not even kidding. Godot/Tigre all the way. This is so sexy. Even Phoenix sees it.
I LOVE that the judge is presiding from underneath his bench.
Hiding under the table aside, it's obvious in this game that Phoenix has really grown as a lawyer. He doesn't need Maya to call on Mia in court anymore, and he's thinking creatively on his own. I'm so proud of him. ♥
OH MY GOD, SCORE!!! I WAS RIGHT ABOUT GUMSHOE AND HERE HE IS!!! Um, it occurs to me that this evidence is actually going to have to be conclusive for me to have been right. But I have faith in him!
Okay, so the bottle is not immediately obviously useful. But there has to be a reason we got it back! This is so not over yet!
Oh. My. God. Tigre's reaction to being backed into a corner is EXACTLY like Light's. The black and white, the primal appearance, the photo montage...it's all the same. This is glorious.
Hehe, Godot's mask glows in the dark.
In the picture of Maya and Maggey with the weenie box, Maya's got that deranged look on her face again. What is it with her in this game?
-------------------------------------
New case! Woo!
Oh holy hell, Phoenix is HOT. And this whole opening animation is really nicely done.
Ah, Diego. I've heard a lot about you. Perhaps too much. But it's nice to meet you, finally.
YAY EDGEWORTH. About damn time. And oh, man, is he ever hot.
I swear to God, if that coat Gumshoe is wearing in the past is supposed to be the same one he wears in the present... :(
Awwwww! Gumshoe is totally into Mia! I think I would like to ship them. And he's pretty open about it, too...I'm kind of apprehensive now. Is she about to shoot him down and make him stop actively pursuing women forever? Because if this is how that happens, I will be sad.
Diego's awfully cute, though.
Okay, I know this has only just started, but I'm kind of nervous here. This is Mia's first case, the one she loses, right? Which, of course she'll have to, because she's against Edgeworth and he doesn't lose until he goes up against Phoenix. But then I also know that Diego has to be poisoned at some point, and anyway this whole thing is all just a court record that Phoenix is reading late at night. So how is this going to work? Is this even going to be a proper case, or is it going to be something different? Also, I know that before Edgeworth meets Phoenix, he's all about the ruthlessness and questionable tactics, and I'm not looking forward to that. Don't sell yourself short, Edgeworth!
"But not as dreary as the mood that's in this courtroom right now. Ha ha." Gumshoe, you're such a dork. ♥
*gasp* Edgeworth! How dare you call Mia a bimbo! I do believe I have the vapors!
Ha ha, "same to you" indeed. Edgeworth is definitely a bimbo. That little tart.
Ah, Dahlia. How can somebody with such lovely, soothing music piss me off so much?
Edgeworth does the wink/finger wave just like Von Karma! How cute that he picked that up from him!
Actually, all of Edgeworth's affectations are Von Karma's. That is just too cool.
So Terry Fawles was 20 years old and had a 14-year-old girlfriend? Ewwww.
Oh my god, he's dead! Oh no!
Phoenix: still hot. I'm just going to stare at this screen for awhile.
It's over? That case was way too short. Where were the investigation segments? This game needs moar Mia.
-------------------------------------
"Hey, Nick. Remember how I've got spiritual powers, unlike you?" Ha ha. I will never get sick of Maya needling Phoenix. Ever.
Heeee, Larry has sworn off women. Of course he has; this is a Phoenix Wright game, after all.
Hehe, Larry and Phoenix are both free tonight. Perhaps they could...do some catching up? Swear off women...together?
Oh my god! Phoenix! Nooo! I mean, obviously he pulls through, but, but, but still! Phoenix!
EDGEWORTH!!!!!! WOOHOO!!!
Whoa, crazy! Am I playing as Edgeworth, then? Sweet!
"How could this country's judicial system have fallen into such decay?" Ha ha, I heard the unspoken "without me" at the end there, Edgeworth. ♥ It's funny 'cause it's true.
I can't believe I'm playing as Edgeworth. This is so cool I can't even concentrate on the investigation.
You know what this means, right? Right? Edgeworth...is a SWITCH. Oh damn this game is so sexy.
Wow, Edgeworth's "Take that!" sounds weird.
Oh boy oh boy oh boy we get to see Gumshoe flirting with Edgeworth oh boy I can't wait. OH MAN AND HE DOES NOT DISAPPOINT.
Edgeworth, with a girlfriend? Nonsense indeed. :D "D-Do I really inspire this sort of frothing desire from the female masses?" :DDDDDDD
HOLY CRAP Gumshoe is following him around.
"C'mon Edgey...You were a guy once!" Ahahaha it just never gets old.
"I detest talk of supernatural drivel. I suppose now you'll say she has midi-chlorians?" Objection! The witness's statements contradict each other! He is secretly into Star Wars!
Awww, Edgeworth hopes Maya's all right. I love being able to see his thoughts; it's so nice to know he actually has a heart.
Edgeworth is feeling sympathetic toward Phoenix!
HA HA HA Gumshoe wanted to be a wizard when he was a kid! I bet he's into Harry Potter.
Gumshoe and Maya misread the "Dusky Bridge" sign in the same way. Sounds like ship evidence to me.
"Mr. Edgeworth is pretending not to hear you, so I'm gonna ask for him." I love everybody in this game.
Larry keeps talking about Edgeworth and girls. His gaydar must be broken beyond repair.
Arrrgh if it wouldn't get me penalized, I'd suggest that Larry was waiting for Phoenix in Heavenly Hall re: his "Fair de Core".
"This guy couldn't fold a dollar, let alone a crane. Everyone tried to comfort him, but he would just sit there sobbing." Oh my goodness! Tell us more stories about baby Edgeworth, Larry!
"I fell down 4 times on my way down here, sir!" "Oh, sorry about that, Detective. I ate four bananas and tossed their peels on the stairs on my way down here..." HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Oh man, I wish I could take a screencap of Larry with five Psyche-Locks and Edgeworth saying "Nooooooooooooooooooo!" This is classic.
FRANZISKAAAAAAAA!!! I admit, I was spoiled that she was going to show up in this game and suspected that she was going to be the one prosecuting ever since I found out Edgeworth would be the defense and had chosen his own opponent, but this is seriously no less awesome than if I had had no idea. I've been literally shivering with anticipation since this chapter started. Goddamn this is exciting. And they're even playing her theme, which, man, it just makes it all better. I've listened to both the orchestral and jazz versions of this theme many, many times now, but absolutely NOTHING can compare to the original. And, yeah, I've just been sitting here listening to it the whole time I've been typing up this point. Okay, I'd better move on now, but...wow. Really. Wow. I love you, Franziska!!
"Franziska von Karma...Prosecuting prodigy." "Legends are a thing of the past. I am a Von Karma. That is all." "There is no such weakling as this man among those of the Prosecutor's Office." Oh my god, I squeal every time Franziska speaks. This...could be bad.
Heh heh, the judge wants to ban the whip and is sarcastic about Franziska and Edgeworth acting bizarrely in his court. I like this judge.
Hehe, aboot. It's funny 'cause the judge is Canadian, apparently.
"Is there some sort of Kick Me sign stuck to the defense's bench?" This gives me an idea. Every prosecutor should have to defend at least one case. I totally want to see Franziska as a defense attorney. (Kinky!)
What is this "Ms. von Karma" crap? You know Edgeworth totally called her Franzi when she was a little girl.
"They just need a little stimulation to bear fruit. Contradictory stimulation." ...if you know what I mean and I think you do. *nudge nudge wink wink* Oh come on you were thinking it too. Alternatively, I am having far too easy a time picturing Homer Simpson saying those lines, which is kind of out of nowhere.
Damn, I love the bottom screen at the beginning of the testimony. Edgeworth and Franziska: it's like awesome, mixed with awesome and distilled into awesome concentrate.
"I will give you a vigorous massage once we are finished here." Okay, possible strange innuendo aside, this provides me with hilarious mental images, and also some degree of envy. I want Franziska to give ME a vigorous massage, please. "With the whip?" HAHAHAHAHA You have to admit, though, that Franziska is always up for doing whatever she has to to get her testimony.
In case I haven't already made this clear...Edgeworth v. von Karma is ridiculously, insanely hot. Not necessarily in a shippy way, but certainly in an awesome way.
"But I can crush men under my heel and make them weep, should I so choose!" YES PLEASE. SO HOT.
Oh boy, Larry's gonna testify now! Woo, Larry, you gonna get whipped!
"He drew a terrifying woman, armed with a demonic face and a vicious whip." You guys, you should have heard my reaction to this. It was loud and betrayed my amusement. That's really all you need to know.
"It would seem that whip is going to see plenty more use today..." Damn skippy. I can't wait.
"Your sketch is in contempt of this court!" If I'm not careful, I'll end up transcribing this entire chapter. Surely one of Franziska's lines won't be saturated with awesome? But, aww, Franziska is a wonderful new model for Larry!
"I'll give you a few hits too, if you'd like. With my whip." You know, at first I thought Franziska was being disingenuous, but upon further consideration, I think it's probably best that she qualified that first statement. Can't have Larry thinking she's coming on to him or anything. You just know that ever since he took the stand, she's been repeating to herself, "And THIS is why I'm a lesbian."
Hee hee. "Are..." "You..." "High!" Hee hee hee. *is still twelve*
YES!! There IS precedent for flying! Why isn't anyone listening to Franziska? Second game, third case!
Oh good, I was afraid for a minute there that Franziska had forgotten the word "fool," with all her "huffy, puffy, loosey goosey, whimpering"...something-or-other insults, but she's back on point with this "foolhardy folly" stuff.
Awwwww! When he comes to a crucial juncture, Edgeworth wonders, "What Would Phoenix Do?" "Because right now, I am Phoenix Wright, and I am indeed cornered...!" Okay, that's a little creepy, not gonna lie.
Score, both the defense and the prosecution are going to do some investigating. I hope this means moar Franziska.
Aw, man, I'm playing as Phoenix again. I really liked playing as Edgeworth.
Woo, I was right about investigation!Franziska. And she is apparently trying to set a record for the highest concentration of "fool"s in a single sentence. What is she even trying to say? Isn't she cold?
"She must model for my picture book, 'Franzy's Whip Lash Splash: Simple & Magnificent'!" Wow! I will take four, please. I think the best part is how she seems to think it's actually a reasonable request for a good witness to make. What did I say about Franziska and doing anything for good testimony?
Did...Franziska just say that it was a pleasure to see Phoenix again? ...Was she being sincere? Like, for real?
Goddammit, here we go again with the forgetfulness of canon. No, Phoenix, Franziska never even pretended to be trying to get revenge for her father.
"Your personal involvement will make crushing you into teensy weensy pieces all the better!" I love you, Franziska.
"It's probably the fever, but...She's so openly hostile that it's almost kinda cute." Gasp! I'm going to go replay this talking point a few times. The whole thing is pretty awesome, actually.
"Sorry to burst your bubble, but I don't recall ever losing to you." Oh snap!
I rather like this background music. Huh.
Oh my goodness, I have a suspicion as to Elise Deauxnim's identity! ...But I won't say it here, because then if I'm right I'll have spoiled myself. (Shut up, I'm neurotic like that.)
"I am on your side. I won't do anything you don't want me to." If Sister Bikini were hotter, something tells me she and Franziska would be one hell of a popular pairing.
OH MY GOD YES Franziska is going to follow Phoenix around! This is my lucky day!
OH MY GOD Pearl is laying the smackdown on Franziska!!! This is SO COOL.
...You know what? Franziska is really, really weird.
"Yeah, you can do anything...except stand up to a 9-year-old girl." OH SNAP. Although, I don't get you, Phoenix. Are you suggesting that Franziska should have used her whip on Pearl? And if so, what's wrong with you? Or are you suggesting that Franziska should have tried reasoning with Pearl, in which case you might be hallucinating and perhaps you left the hospital too soon?
Godot, don't talk to Franziska like that. Screw you. Franziska, why aren't you whipping him? I swear, I don't understand anybody anymore.
Okay, Phoenix questioning Gumshoe with Franziska chiming in is just so full of awesome that I can't possibly quote all my favorite parts, but I really love how this case is bringing together all the characters I like. (Have I never talked about this? Franziska, Gumshoe, and Phoenix are my three favorite characters. Together,
I love Phoenix's insinuation that he might one day see the Von Karma estate. Perhaps he and Edgeworth will have their wedding there.
In other news, it occurs to me that maybe the reason Franziska wouldn't whip Godot is the same reason dogs won't go into haunted houses. Or, wait, will they? I know they bark at ghosts.
Hey, my suspicion about Elise Deauxnim was right! I win!
Oh no, an earthquake! Not that it hadn't, you know, been foreshadowed or anything, but still! I bet everyone's physically all right, though, so I don't feel too bad about considering this an opportunity for some good ol' Edgeworth h/c. Luckily, Phoenix and Franziska agree. Yay!
Wait a minute, Edgeworth passed out, came to, got up, and ran back across the bridge and back to the main gate in the span of about one minute? What? He had better be full of lies. Except he probably won't be. Stupid honest Edgeworth.
Awwww, Franziska only whips Edgeworth when she's concerned about his health! They really do care about each other. ♥
"I was ready to hug it out with him, but he's just the same, prideful Edgeworth." I squealed at this. Hug him anyway, Phoenix!
Oh my goodness, Franziska wants to eat Phoenix for breakfast! Or to put it another way, whip him silly. Literally(!) and metaphorically. In either case, this is a very sexy idea. "Go on, let her have her way! It would make for a great anecdote about my trip!" Hot damn, Edgeworth is trying to fix them up!
I wish they would stop pretending it means anything when somebody's name is written in blood. This happens in EVERY GAME. It's NEVER the person whose name it is.
Is, um. I'm afraid to ask. Is Larry, um, intending to make Pearl his next girlfriend?
Haha, Phoenix thinks Gumshoe is Sister Bikini's type. That's a surprisingly adorable possibility. I certainly wouldn't blame her.
OMG! Iris and Dahlia are Morgan's daughters?! Pearl has older sisters? That's CRAZY.
SINISTER GUMSHOE IS SINISTER. ALSO KIND OF. UM. INCONGRUOUS? Okay, so I guess he wasn't really sinister, but come ON, he's singing Victor Kudo's creepy-ass theme out loud to himself, by himself. I seriously kind of expected him to start going on about how nobody would ever find out that Rumpelstiltskin was his name.
Oh! I just remembered something! Morgan's daughters are more evidence to support my theory that in the Phoenix Wright-verse, all siblings are of the same gender.
Woohoo! Return of the metal detector!!
Awww, Gumshoe and Phoenix are going to go out for pasta when Maya is found.
Ohhhhhh Pearl. I need to give her a hug right this second. Oh, PEARL. This whole thing makes me so sad.
"You can't see a hot girl if she's already taken." Then why were you macking on Desiree DeLite, you filthy hypocrite?
Oh thank God, Pearl didn't do it. Probably.
Okay, in a completely non-shippy way, Pearl and Larry actually make a completely adorable pair. Kind of like Pearl and Gumshoe.
"I leave the rest in your capable hands...partner." *swoon*
I wish the other judge could have stayed. Stupid Phoenix, giving him your cold.
...Well, it wouldn't be a Phoenix Wright game if Maya weren't accused of murder at some point.
Phoenix didn't deny that Maya was his girlfriend! I'm for it!
So Misty Fey was murdered, possibly in front of her daughter, and then tied to a rope, swung across a gorge like a pendulum, thrown to the ground from a height of ten feet, dragged to the courtyard, stabbed again postmortem, and left lying facedown in the snow. This case is horrible.
Dahlia was hanged? That must have been unpleasant. Do they even do hangings anymore? I thought it was mostly lethal injection these days. And possibly some firing squad.
Oh, fuck this. I have no idea what Phoenix is trying to do with Dahlia's testimony. I'm looking at the walkthrough.
Ahhh, DAMMIT. I was totally thisclose to presenting Mia's profile when I gave up. CRAP.
On the bright side, I'm unnaturally happy that people are talking about Mia.
I am SO CONFUSED. Who is channeling Dahlia, if Iris is in the cavern, and it wasn't Pearl, and...and...Oh my god. I just figured it out. Just now, as I was typing that sentence. Oh my god. Oh my GOD.
I'm just glad I had totally forgotten that Iris couldn't channel spirits, or I would have spoiled myself earlier. :)
Mayaaa!! You're so smart! ♥
MIA!! Squeeee!!! Okay, so I guess the brilliant plan wasn't Maya's, but at least she's smart enough to know when to ask Mia for help?
"Another failure to add to the pile of shame, wouldn't you say?" Mia is so full of schadenfreude, it's kind of hot.
"It's one stupid move after another for you. But it's no longer funny." Yes it is, Phoenix. Schadenfreude is always funny.
"M... M... Mia F... F... Fey Mia Fey! Mia Fey! MIA FEEEEY!" Ha ha ha. Spit it out, Dahlia! You totally would have gotten away with it, if not for that meddling defense attorney! "You... You... Spinster!!" Um, what?
"But I think you finally understand, Dahlia Hawthorne. ...You will never defeat me." This is so hot. My inexplicably platonic crush on Mia is escalating.
Oooooh, Dahlia is FREAKY.
Awww, whether you ship them or not, Phoenix really does love Maya.
Hey, the judge is being nice to Maya! That is a first.
UMMM. What the hell is going on? Okay, the only three people on the island were Maya, Misty, and Pearl, and at various times they were also channeling Mia and Dahlia. So...was Misty channeling Dahlia, and Pearl was behind her? Because I'm pretty sure Pearl wasn't channeling anybody at any time, or she wouldn't have thought she had lost her powers. Why would Misty channel Dahlia, anyway?
Wait, it was a MAN? Okay, this makes NO sense. I mean, okay, I have a thought here (not going to voice it, obviously), but it MAKES NO SENSE. Oh wait except it totally does...or does it? No, it does, but, but WHY? Why would...there...okay, fine, I'll just have to keep playing and I'll find out.
My assessment: Godot-style sounds pretty cool. Judge-style sounds ridiculous. Phoenix-style sounds kinky.
I love how everybody can agree on their love for Mia. She brings everyone together. ♥ (Insert your own cleavage joke here.)
"With Your Honor's piercing intellect, you must have figured it out by now..." Oh snap!!
"That pure, sweet heart of hers..." I'm going to ignore the vaguely cannibalistic undertones in this sentence and focus on just how cute it is.
Phoenix is one of Godot's reasons to live? Must...not...slash...
Oh my goodness, this conspiracy runs incredibly deep. This story is amazing.
"She was willing to do anything to protect you from Morgan Fey. Even if it meant paying the ultimate price." I teared up a little at this. Parent/child relationships always do that to me.
"That makes sense. After all, my deductions are almost never correct." HAHAHA. Well, at least the judge seems to have a healthy sense of self-awareness.
I love how Phoenix is suggesting that Godot murders naked.
Hey, they're using the Objection music from the first game for the point where Phoenix has to prove Godot did the murder! So cool!
DAMN. Was that Mia next to Phoenix there? For real? DAMN.
Oh...Godot sees Mia in Phoenix...so sweet...oh...
Okay, sword-wielding Godot is HOT. YUM.
Phoenix and Mia standing next to each other and pointing is such a wonderful image. I'm just going to look at this screen for awhile.
GODOT CRIES BLOOD. wHaT
...I totally can not believe Phoenix and Iris are having this conversation in open court.
PHOENIX WITH COFFEE OMG ;elajkf;ald and I love his sprite. It's handsome. Hehe, he and Godot are coffee buddies.
"I'm proud of you, Phoenix. Your defense was...truly brilliant." Oh...I'm speechless.
Oh man, I was really hoping for some kind of Diego/Mia reunion. I'm disappointed.
Larry is emo! So sad!
Hehe, Franziska's beauty can't possibly be captured by a mere crayon. Nor can it by pixels, honestly. I mean, have you seen some of that official art? But it's sweet of her to acknowledge that Larry doesn't completely suck.
Ha ha. Franziska is just looking for excuses to whip Gumshoe now. This is so hilarious.
Um, maybe nobody at the village has heard from Pearl because she was just talking to Phoenix as Mia two minutes ago and it takes three hours to get there. Just saying.
Hey, what happened to going out for pasta? And how is Gumshoe expecting to pay for Tres Bien?
Oh my friggin'...this picture of little Mia and Maya is just about the cutest damn thing I have ever seen. I wonder just how many times that jar has been broken.
Yeah, so I was expecting some terrific spoilery reason for why there couldn't be more games about Phoenix, but there totally wasn't one. Screw you, Capcom. On the other hand, the epilogue made me happy. Adrian hooked up with Franziska! Larry has found his niche and is doing the book about Franziska! Probably without her consent! Gumshoe and Maggey might have actually gotten together! There were some really awesome pictures of the cast at the end! Phoenix did the training! I believe it was because he and Maya actually did end up together, and NOBODY CAN CONVINCE ME OTHERWISE. Wendy Oldbag's appearance in this game was limited to a surprisingly palatable cameo! And so on!
Oh wow. That last case...that was the best case ever. That was INCREDIBLE. I...words can't describe it.
